How to Lose Five Pounds in Four Days
Mar. 23rd, 2007 12:18 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rorqual1) Get a fever. It can be a low one, mostly, at about 100, but plan on getting it up past 102 at least once.
2) Add head congestion. The effort it takes to eat will critically impair your ability to breathe, and since you can put off eating for a while, go ahead and do so.
3) Get a serious cough. You don't need to cough anything up, but when you do, it should be nasty. Coughing makes eating no fun.
4) Try to go to work at least once. You won't make it a full day, but the effort involved in getting there and getting home again is important for burning those calories!
5) Drink lots of fluids. You don't want to actually *die*; that's no fun. My fluid of choice is Hawaiian Punch, as it makes me feel like I'm doing something marginally healthy.
6) Don't eat! If you've done steps 1 through 5 correctly, it shouldn't be a problem. I am a huge fan of food, but I did a little math and since Monday night, I've kept it under 1000 calories easy. You can too!
If you're really lucky, once your fever breaks and you feel like a human again, you'll still not be hungry. I am a lot better than I was Tuesday night, for example, but food repells me. I am going to go have a Triscut and pretend it's balancing my electrolytes.
2) Add head congestion. The effort it takes to eat will critically impair your ability to breathe, and since you can put off eating for a while, go ahead and do so.
3) Get a serious cough. You don't need to cough anything up, but when you do, it should be nasty. Coughing makes eating no fun.
4) Try to go to work at least once. You won't make it a full day, but the effort involved in getting there and getting home again is important for burning those calories!
5) Drink lots of fluids. You don't want to actually *die*; that's no fun. My fluid of choice is Hawaiian Punch, as it makes me feel like I'm doing something marginally healthy.
6) Don't eat! If you've done steps 1 through 5 correctly, it shouldn't be a problem. I am a huge fan of food, but I did a little math and since Monday night, I've kept it under 1000 calories easy. You can too!
If you're really lucky, once your fever breaks and you feel like a human again, you'll still not be hungry. I am a lot better than I was Tuesday night, for example, but food repells me. I am going to go have a Triscut and pretend it's balancing my electrolytes.
