Post-Birthday-Party Index

Total guests: 29

Total guests under four months of age: 1.7

Presents received (excluding "the gift of you just showing up tonight is enough"): 10

Proportion of gifts that was a bottle of tequila: 1/5

Shots of tequila consumed by birthday girl: 7

Number of aspirin consumed by birthday girl the next morning: 2

Joyful exclamations over lovely penguin/iceberg cake: 10+

Joyful exclamations the next morning when discovering the ants had found the cake remains: 0

Number of odd math equations written on chalkboard: 1

Solution of said equation: v

Number of pages of Harry Potter read by birthday girl before party: 500

Number of Harry Potter spoilers revealed to birthday girl at party: 0

Party success, on a scale of 1 to 10: 37!